When we arrive here on planet earth we arrive with a series of ‘contracts’ that we have agreed to play out while we are here. Some of the experiences we have agreed on to develop our soul while we are here, have already been predetermined by us agreeing to playing out certain archetypes e.g. healer or teacher, before we get here. When I got here I did not know the individual experiences that I had agreed to within those archetypes. We can agree to expand ourselves to the maximum of the archetypes before we get here and the experiences chosen for us will correspond with that.
There is a widely held misconception that the soul of a person on earth can only be expanded through great suffering and fear. I beg to differ. This is an old way of thinking and part of the old energy. The soul of a human on earth can be expanded even further then it has ever been before in the new energies if we are able to turn the fear and our archetypical choices before we got here, into love by converting the low density energy of fear, pain and hate into higher vibrating energy through our own free will, discernment and expanded consciousness.
Once we have cleared and converted our bucket list into higher vibrating energy through making a conscious effort we are then able to step into a new book that can contain only love and peace, if that is our choice. This is a place where we can realise our full creative potential by making new conscious choices and agree to work with others on earth who also work with heart centred energy.
When I was 11 years old I asked to be given my ‘bucket list’ of experiences, bear in mind that I agreed to do this before I got here irrespective of what the experiences were going to be. I was told the following, “survive a car accident”, “get stranded in a foreign country”, “make a million”, “rape” and “kill or be killed”.
The final item on my personal bucket list was “kill or be killed” which happened on the 6th September 2008. I wrote about the experience two years after it happened and posted it for my friends on Facebook as part of my healing experience and because people always asked me what happened. I was always quite happy to talk about the attack but when I did, I ended up stuck back in the passage of my house. The conversation would have gone on to talk about Katie’s new bike or John’s homework or whatever, and I love to hear about other peoples lives, but I would still be stuck in the passage of my home with my ears ringing for the next five hours while I slowly mentally walked myself out of that space again. That is a journey that nobody could help me with. It had to be travelled alone.
6th September 2008
I have led an extraordinary life. I was aware at the age of 25 that if I dropped down dead the next day I would already have achieved more in my life than most people ordinarily do by the time they are 70. As it turned out, my life didn’t slow down much for the next 20 years either.
On Saturday morning of September 6, 2008 I got up and went to gym. At the time I was exceptionally fortunate to be trained by a valued friend and was going to gym for an hour, six days a week. I was very fit. Being the only person in the gym that morning, I got a personalised tough 60 minute cardio workout that put me on a complete adrenalin buzz.
After gym I went straight home with the plan of doing my housework then hitting the shower and taking my Mom out to lunch, a Saturday ritual for the two of us. Like most South Africans I lived behind high walls, electric gates and garage, burglar guarded and alarmed house. I had two dogs at one point but my Doberman died a year before and the Ridgeback cross, only two weeks previous.
I entered the house through the glass sliding door, locked it behind me and went and put my bag on the kitchen counter. In the kitchen I saw the rubbish bin needed to be emptied so I took the bag out of it and headed for the outside bin. As I opened the glass sliding door for the second time, I saw a shoe sticking out around the side of the house. I could only see the toe of the trainer so I thought that the youngsters from next door had climbed over the dividing wall and into my property. When I got to the edge of the house I could see that there were two young men on my property, probably in their early 20s. I confronted them and told them they were trespassing and to get off my property immediately. They were clearly surprised to see me and I think even more surprised for me to confront them directly. I still had the bag of rubbish in my hand when one of the men ran towards me and I realized that I had just surprised potential burglars. I dropped the bag of rubbish and ran into the house, slamming and locking the glass sliding door and running through the house into my bedroom where I had a panic button attached to the house alarm. I hit the alarm.
So now I was safe. I was locked inside the house, with the alarm going and the burglars on the outside. We have all seen the TV adverts for security firms. The women runs into the house, hits the alarm, the burglars run away. Right? This is where a perfectly well orchestrated script starts falling apart.
I came out of the bedroom to go and stand by the glass sliding door to see which way the burglars would be running so I could tell the security firm which direction they went in, when they got there. As I got to the glass sliding door I heard a banging noise to the left of me. I looked through the doorway of my spare bedroom and I could see one of the burglars swinging from the outside of the burglar guards kicking the guard with his feet and it was bending towards me as I was watching. In the time it takes to raise your hand above your head and click your fingers, the guy was inside the house and running towards me. I looked into his eyes as he came through the window and I have never seen so much anger and hatred in my whole life. There was no doubt in my mind that this was no longer about burglary, stuff had become a secondary consideration, it was now about killing me.
It’s amazing how much information can go through your mind in a very short space of time. Run! Shit, he’s really coming to kill me. Run! Why would somebody want to kill me? Run! I don’t know him. Run! The house is no longer safe there is a guy on the inside that wants to kill me. Run! There is a guy on the outside. Does he also want to kill me? Run! What if they catch me? RUN!
I ran. I opened the glass sliding door and ran across the patio to the stairs that go to the garage. At the top of the stairs they caught me. I fought and kicked on the stairs using my height advantage of the top stair to keep them off balance so they could not grab me. I was yelling “Fire” and “Help” but with the alarm going, I was not sure if my neighbours heard me. They both just piled on top of me the one guy grabbing my neck. They picked me up and carried me into the house like I was an expendable rag doll. Once in the house they locked the glass sliding door so I was now locked inside the house with my two attackers. When they locked the door and I saw I had no escape, I started fighting harder. I made the decision that all I had to do was keep my heart beating and irrespective of what happened to me in the interim or what state my body or mind would be at the end of this ordeal, I would have won if I still had a heartbeat.
They dragged me into the passage of my house, a small area with 5 doors off it. I had one guy behind me strangling me from the back while the other guy was standing in front of me holding my jaw trying to jerk snap my neck. By kicking off the walls I was able to get my feet under me. I saw we were heading for the bedroom. Nothing good was going to happen in there. I ran up the wall and broke free and ran back towards the glass sliding door. But they were both back on me again dragging me back into the passage. They then dragged me towards the kitchen. I could see my knife block standing on the kitchen counter. I was in two minds as to whether or not to make a grab for the knives. There were two of them and I would only get one shot at placing a knife into somebody before I got disarmed and a knife used on me. Did I want to take that chance and perhaps escalate the violence and did I even have the hatred within myself required to hurt another person even though they were killing me? I also realized that I was completely reading the guy behind me. I think such an intense overlap of human energy in such an intense situation had facilitated this but I did not know if he could read me. I could now see things through his eyes but could he see what I wanted to do with the knives?
I put my foot on the door jam and managed to break free again and ran back to the sliding door. This time I managed to get it open and I thought I was winning. Again I got caught and dragged back into the passage. I was really starting to tire. The guy behind me increased his grip on my throat. I knew as long as I was able to keep my feet under me, he would not able to strangle me. It’s straight physics! You need a fulcrum and lever action for strangulation to be successful. At 5ft.7 I was the exact same height as both of my attackers. They kept trying to kick my feet out from under me. I decided to change tactics and stopped fighting. The continuous strangulation kept bringing me to the verge of blacking out. Each time I got close to blacking out I fought hard to get a bit of air then stopped. At one point I practically unhinged my jaw and sheared off my top front teeth to get air. As I did that the thought that that was going to be expensive dentistry went through my mind. You hang on to anything that might be ‘normal’ to try and focus your mind. I even recall thinking that this picture was not right at all, surely in a movie like this Jodie Foster or somebody famous should get to play the starring role. How did I get a part in this movie anyway? It’s very, very surreal to be in the middle to something like this.
I was terrified of blacking out; I figured if I was unconscious I would have no control over the situation at all. I was also clearly reading the moves and intent of the guy behind me by this stage. I was starting to get exhausted. The alarm had long since finished ringing. The blackout intervals were getting closer and closer, I had a mouth full of blood and broken teeth. I knew I was not going to be able to hang on much longer without losing consciousness. I went totally limp, blood trickling from the side of my mouth. The guy behind me gave the guy in front of me the order to find what stuff he could and he lowered my lifeless body to the floor.
I lay perfectly still, not breathing, waiting for the torrent of kicks to the ribs that I knew would come if I had miscalculated. I heard one of the guys trip over the rubbish bin in the kitchen. I heard them going through my bag, then footsteps on the wooden floor all the way to the sliding door, then nothing. Silence.
The gamble of my life had just paid off. I had read that the guy behind me was finding that strangling somebody was a more personal form of murder than he had anticipated. I also read that he was in charge of this operation and this was a training run for the other guy. I don’t think either of them had anticipated such a fight. I sensed that if I gave him a ‘face saving’ out and it looked like he had succeeded in killing me, to his trainee, that he would take it. That’s what I did, I pretended to die.
As they say in South Africa, “you are so lucky”, “you must remember it’s not personal”, that’s absurd isn’t it? Two strangers smashed their way onto my house and I am lucky and must not take it personally? Are you kidding me? We have so normalized violence that we can no longer tell when a situation is abnormal. Frankly, I think I would prefer it if the people who came to kill me had a personal hate on for ME for a reason, not just because I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, which in this case was inside my own home. But be that as it may, I have no animosity for the two men who tried to kill me. My overwhelming emotion after the attack was never one of anger but of complete and utter sadness and the sense that something important has been lost within our people. Humanity, an ability to view each other as people is missing and it’s monumentally sad. At no time during the attack did my attackers address me or give me a single instruction. I was not human to them in any way, I was not a person. If I could I would grab them both by the scruff of their necks and take them home to their grandmothers while I explained to her what they had done. She would know what to do. As with all violence anywhere in the world, it is only when the people have well and truly had enough will a way be found to stop it. Until then it will continue relentlessly.
In the intervening years my life has been even more exciting than usual, if that is even possible. I have shed houses, possessions, continents, friends, family, jobs and countless other things. My spiritual life has galloped. We are all born with shamanic abilities which we can choose to use or not, skills that I had worked very hard at overriding with logic, science and intellect. My equilateral triangle of life had an arm missing, I had mind and body covered but I had denied spirit completely during the 20 years it took to complete the bucket list. It had become time to claim back my psychic and energy skills that I had been denying and to stand in my full power once again. Well I am more than making up for it now and my heart still has a beat.
I am sharing this story now because I believe that it can help others on their own healing journey. Once we accept responsibility for our choices and circumstances in life then half the healing journey has already been completed. The plot of the new energy is “Love and Peace” we can pretty much write what we want as long as we don’t lose the plot.
“Always remember you are braver than you
believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – AA. Milne
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